


It’s alright to die (as long as it is not you)

by Twykad



Series: Of Shadowhunters and a glittery Warlock [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgive Me, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injured!Magnus, M/M, Major Character Injury, Missions Gone Wrong, Sorry Not Sorry, because I'm not like that, but Magnus is a warlock so I guess it's ok, but sorry still, hurt!Magnus, innacuracies, it's painful, mainly angst though, no major character death though, serious injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8640850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twykad/pseuds/Twykad
Summary: Magnus comes to help on a mission but things turn up very wrong and the warlock gets seriously injured.Alec and the others now need a miracle.





	1. Chapter 1

“Come on Max come to Daddy.” Alec said opening his arms as Magnus let him go.

 

They were trying to make their son walk by himself for a little while now, because Magnus wanted to have it on tape. It had been a failure so far, the little warlock crawling on his knees as soon as they stopped holding him. But this time, this time was different. The toddler did one step. Two step. Three step.

 

“Angels, Magnus do you _see_ that?!”

“Yes, _yes_ darling I do.”

 

Four step. Five step. The baby stumbled and Alec caught him, hugging him carefully, but strongly.

 

“Oh my _Blueberry_ , Daddy and Papa are so _proud_ of you.” He said his voice full of emotion.

 

Magnus was quick to join the hug, and kissed his son cheeks before his lover’s ones. An overwhelming happiness was filling them. When Alec’s phone rang with his parabatai’s ring tone, he jumped to his feet.

 

“Oh my God, _Jace_ you will _never_ guess what happened.” He didn’t pause to wait for an answer going on immediately. “Max just made his _first steps_!” He announced excitedly.

“Alec, this is _fantastic_ , and I don’t want to break the mood but we’re going to need you. There is an important mission. I think we might need Magnus as well so take him to the institute… And bring my walking nephew, I want to see how gifted he is.”

 

Jace hanged up on these words, not letting Alec answering. The blue-eyed shadowhunter frowned. Why would they need Magnus for a mission? It let an uneasy feel in his stomach.

 

“Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know, but Jace want _us_ to join him at the Institute.”

 

***

 

There were unusual demons activities in town and the Clave suspected rogue shadowhunters, Circle members, to have a play in that. Even though they didn’t have to worry about Valentine or Sebastian anymore, there was still Circle members on the run and they still have to fight them from time to time. There had been victims already, mundanes and downworlders.

 

“That doesn’t tell me why we would need Magnus.” Alec interrupted brows furrowed.

“Alec-“ Magnus tried.

“No. Why would we need Magnus, Jace?”

“We need powerful back-up; especially if someone gets injured.”

“But what if _Magnus_ get injured?!” Alec almost yelled.

 

There was a silence. Alec couldn’t believe it. They hadn’t thought about that had they?

 

“So you think you can put Magnus’, my fiancé, life at risk just like that?! Just because you think it will be useful to have a warlock with us?! Are you out of your mind Jace?! Are you cra-“

“I’ll be okay, Alec.”

“No, Magnus-“

“ _Alexander_ , if you guys need me, if I can protect you, you know I will come without a second thought.”

“But-“

“I’m going to call Cat and Tessa, to know if one of them can babysit Max tonight.”

 

Alec shut his mouth, his jaw and fists clenched. He hated the idea. He hated it with all his being. He threw a murderous glare to his parabatai.

 

“If anything, you hear me Jace, if _anything_ happens to him, it’s on _you_.”

“Nothing will happen to him, Alec, its _Magnus_.” Jace countered, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you _trust_ him?”

“I _do_ trust him” Alec almost growled clearly offended. “I just don’t trust this mission. And Magnus might be powerful, but even the most powerful being can get hurt.”

 

He got up on that and leaved the room.

 

***

 

“Damn it!” Jace cursed.

 

He knew he should have been kinder and not mildly imposing his needs but he was worried. It had been a long time since a mission had been that dangerous. Since Alec’s near death, actually.  He couldn’t risk his parabatai’s life carelessly again and he knew Magnus wouldn’t have let him anyway. He exhaled heavily. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he looked up. Izzy flashed him a comforting smile. She had been the only one supporting him, at least a bit, when he had asked Magnus. Clary had taken Alec’s side, she could easily put herself in his shoes. She had argued that if something happened to both Alec and Magnus, Max would become an orphan, again. And she had known that he would disagree and be angry at him. He looked at her and she sent him an accusing stare. He shrugged and looked down. This mission was going to be the end of him.

 

***

 

Alec was pacing in his old bedroom. He wanted to scream at everyone: at Jace, for putting his fiancé in danger, at Magnus, for accepting it and at all the others for not saying anything.  When he couldn’t take it anymore, he went to the training room and started punching on the punching-ball. He needed to clear his mind. He must have been at it for half and hour when he heard Magnus’ voice calling him. Alec stopped and stared at him, he didn’t want to talk and he didn’t know what to say either, since the warlock seemed to not care about his opinion on the matter anyway.

 

“Jem and Tessa are okay to take Max with them. They will take him not long before the mission start.”

 

The shadowhunter shrugged and started punching again, harder.

 

“Alec.” Magnus called. “ _Alexander_.” He called again when he didn’t get any answer. “ _Alexander_ , _please_ listen.”

 

Alec stopped again and sighed loudly.

 

“What do you want, _Magnus_?” He asked coolly.

“Alec, I know you’re worried and I know you don’t want me to go but-“

“But what? You can protect yourself? You want to protect me? Right, I get it. But Magnus, these people, Circle members, you know what they want to do to downworlders, to _you_. And even if you can protect yourself for a while, what if you use too much magic? What if _I_ can’t protect you when that happens? Don’t you remember what you are always telling me?”

“‘We’re immortal, _Alexander_ , not indestructible.’ I know.”

 

Alec went down to face Magnus and cupped his cheeks.

 

“Magnus, promise me that, if you start using too much magic, you’ll portal yourself back to the loft.”

“Oh, _Alexander_.” Magnus said hugging him.

“Promise me, _please_.” He begged holding tight on his fiancé shirt.

“Alright, _alright_ , I promise. I promise _Alexander_.”

 

He pushed Magnus away gently then leaned to kiss him.

 

“God, Magnus, _I love you_. I-”

“It’s going to be okay. I love you too.”

 

Was it what Magnus felt every time he went for a hunt? He kissed him again, open mouth.

 

***

 

When they arrived, the place seemed desert, and it felt like a trap. They all stood close to each others, blue sparks coming on Magnus fingers tips, just in case.

 

“Do you think they knew we were coming?” Clary asked.

“They surely knew we’ll end up showing up.” Alec answered.

“I can imagine them setting up their trap every night waiting for you.” Magnus tried to joke.

 

But no one laughed though Jace gave him a welcomed smile. His shoulder brushed his fiancé side, and Magnus had rarely seen Alec being so tensed. When it will be over, they’ll take a bath, cuddle, and more if they have the energy. Everything will be okay and Alec will be able to relax.

Everything came at once, from the inhuman shrieking of the demons with the Circle members, to the arrows and seraph blades Alec and the others had suddenly in hands. Going with the flow, the warlock made his magic work. He wasn’t particularly scared for himself and he kept glancing at Alec, just to be sure his shadowhunter wasn’t hurt.

 

“MAGNUS! DUCK!”

 

The warlock did as he was told as an arrow flew on the demon behind Magnus, reducing it to ashes. Alec ran to him.

 

“You’re ok?”

“Yeah, thank you darling.”

 

Alec shook his head and it was not long until there were back to back, one shooting arrows and one throwing magic against their enemies.

 

“We make quite a good team actually, _Alexander_.”

 

Alec flashed him a smile.

 

“Tell me about it.”

 

***

 

At Alec dislike, he quickly had to separate from his fiancé to help his parabatai. The latter looked almost surprised and Alec rolled his eyes at him and Jace smirked. Their bond felt strong and it showed on the way they fought. No demon or circle members could defeat him when they were fighting like that. It felt good. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that Magnus was starting to get tired; the warlock had paled and his magic was growing weak. He pursed his lips. Magnus had promised, he will go home from a moment to another. Except that he wasn’t. The time was passing by and he wasn’t going home. And he couldn’t even tell him to go, not only because he didn’t want to distract his lover and risk anything, but also because he was battling and couldn’t join him. Frustration and worry was growing into him and his throat was tight as he tried not to scream.

 

***

 

He knew he should make the portal, now, but he couldn’t give up on his shadowhunter. He couldn’t let him. It’s only when he felt his body starting to shake that he seriously considered summoning the portal. He was going to, he really was, but he couldn’t have foreseen what happened, could he?

He turned, only to face a Circle member. Every thing went fast, too fast. The man grinned, grabbed him and impaled him on his seraph blade. Magnus mouth opened in a silent scream, his eyes wide. He felt blood on his mouth. His heart was beating fast on his chest because of the surprise, the panic? His head was heavy. He couldn’t focus. He couldn’t even concentrate on breathing properly. And the pain…This pain was abnormal. There was definitely something wrong with the blade. The Circle member, with a twist, pushed the sword even deeper and Magnus gasped, his eyes went even wider when they locked on Alec horrified blue ones. He mouthed the only things he could think about. “I’m sorry, I love you.” The man took off his blade and everything went black.

 

***

 

Alec brain couldn’t proceed what had just happened in front of him; until Magnus fell onto the ground, which was the moment where he snapped. His hands were shaking way too much but it didn’t stopped him to shoot an arrow right to the man’s skull before running to Magnus, falling immediately near him, knees on his lover blood.

 

“Magnus… Magnus…”

 

His hands were on the warlock’s body but he didn’t know what to do. His vision was blurred by the tears.

 

“Please, please _Magnus_ …”

 

Before he knew it, Clary was also beside him, pushing her hands against the wound.

 

“Alec, _Alec_ we need to stop the bleeding as much as we can. Okay?”

 

He looked at her, his tears were burning his cheeks but he nodded. He lifted a bit his fiancé limp body, letting out a sob. Clary torn Magnus shirt revealing to her not only the wound but also the absence of navel, that wasn’t what bothered her the most.

 

“The wound isn’t normal, Alec, I think the blade was poisoned.” She said wrapping the warlock torso with the shirt’s shred.

 

Magnus loved that shirt. It was one of his favourite. Alec felt more tears coming at this simple thought.

 

“Alec, I’m going to make you a portal to the Institute okay? We’ll take care of the rest. Call Catarina. You need to save Magnus.”

 

He could only nod as he put the unconscious warlock on his arms. Clary drew the rune and stumbling, Alec went through.

 

***

 

Catarina was on her break when her phone rang. Seeing Alec’s idea, she wondered if there was a problem with Max.

 

“Al-“

“Catarina, Catarina I need you, _Magnus_ … Magnus needs you!” Alec’s voice was shaky and hoarse from tears, frantic near hysteric. It looked he had trouble breathing. “Please come. He, he-…Please Cat-”

“Alec, calm down, wha-“ the blue lady tried to interrupt, panic rising in her voice.

“Circle member. Please, we’re at the institute now. We need you, _please_.”

“I’m coming.” Catarina answered feeling a knot forming in her stomach.

 

***

 

The institute nurses had taken Magnus and Alec was alone in the waiting room of the infirmary. Waiting for Catarina felt like eternity and he couldn’t even move. He had sat on the floor, his whole body shaking, tears running down his cheeks. Head against his knees, he was rocking back and forth, trying to calm himself down. Magnus was in good hands, Catarina will be there soon, everything will be okay.

He jumped on his feet when the female warlock entered the room. She hugged him briefly before someone led her to the room where Magnus was fighting for his life.

 

“I will do my best to save him, I _promise_ Alec, for you, and for Max.” She had murmured into his ear.

 

When he was alone again, he fell back on the floor, his legs to weak to hold him. He was strong in every situation, except when it was about Magnus. This man, the man he loved with every bit of himself, was his weakness as well as his biggest strength. And he was about to loose him.

 

***

 

It took at least two hours before Jace and the others ended the last enemies. They were all exhausted and slightly injured, but nothing an iratze or basic care couldn’t take care of. And to be completely honest, the only thing they could think about while drawing their iratze was Magnus and Alec. None of them could enjoy their victory.

 

“The wound looked very bad… I think the blade wasn’t like a normal one.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was like it had been _poisoned_ …”

 

Jace gulped. He could just hope for Magnus to be alright.

 

“We better hurry, Alec will need us.”

 

***

 

Another or two eternities had passed while Alec was waiting for Catarina. He had been able to calm himself down. He was now sitting on a chair, head in his hands, praying, praying has much as he could for his lover. When the door finally opened, he snapped out and almost jumped on the female warlock.

 

“How is he? Is he… Is he…” He couldn’t pronounce the word but Catarina shook her head softly.

“He is _alive_.”

 

Relief washed over him and he couldn’t help a small smile. That was before he noticed Catarina’s pained look, he could read conflict in her blue eyes.

 

“He is alive, Alec, but unconscious… The blade was poisoned and the injuries were severe…It was _complicated_.”

 

It was like she was choosing her words carefully but Alec didn’t want to understand what she meant. His world seemed to start shaking again. He didn’t even hear the other door opening to Jace, Isabelle and Clary. He grabbed her shoulder.

 

“What… What do you mean? When will he wake up?”

“If…” She looked like she was about to cry.

“ _If_?”

“If he wakes up… It would be a miracle.”

 

Everything stopped and his hands felt slowly from Catarina’s shoulders. Tears were reaching his eyes again.

 

“I’m sorry, Alec.” Catarina said, and she was also crying.

 

He clenched his fist so hard it hurt. There had to be a miracle. Magnus couldn’t leave him, ever. He just couldn’t. He won’t do that to him. There was no way.

 

***

 

Everyone had gasped hearing Catarina, but it seemed that Alec was stunned, he didn’t move, he was just looking at the blue woman with wide teary eyes, and it broke Jace’s heart. He walked toward his parabatai and put a hand on the shaking shoulder.

 

“Alec…”

 

The blue-eyed shadowhunter turned brutally.

 

“ _You_.”

 

Jace didn’t had the chance to do anything as Alec pushed him violently against the wall. His eyes locked on Alec’s. His parabatai blue eyes were showing all his emotions, raw. Jace could read all the pain, the fear, the anger, the angst, the _love…_ And everything hurt.

 

“This is _your_ fault!” Alec hissed. “You _made_ him come with us. You _knew_ what could happen!!”

“Alec-“

“ _YOUR FAULT_!!!” He roared. “If he doesn’t wake up, if doesn’t Jace I _swear_ to Raziel that I will _rip_ my immortality _and_ parabatai rune out of my body even if it’s the last thing I do.”

 

Jace took all the rage without fighting it. He let Alec screamed it and when he finally went silent, Jace put his hands on his parabatai’s shaky ones to make him let go of him gently. Then he hugged him, strong and comforting, and Alec melt into the hug, sobbing and crying.

 

***

 

Everyone stood still until Alec stopped crying. They were all shocked by the scene happening before them. Alec, the strong Alec, who rarely showed his emotions was openly crying and sobbing. When he stepped away from his parabatai, he looked ready to confront  Catarina went to him.

 

“Do you want me to call Tess and ask if she and Jem can keep Max for a little longer?”

 

Alec shook his head.

 

“No, I want my son, and I want to see Magnus.”

 

She nodded slightly and hugged him again.

 

“I’m going to call them, you can go and see Magnus… I’m sorry Alec… I wish I could do more.”

 

He shook his head again. Catarina couldn’t blame him for not talking more to her. She understood how much he was worried and knew how much he loved the warlock: enough to give up on his mortality. She inhaled deeply and went out to call their friends, hoping that a miracle would happen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is in a coma, Alec tries to cope with it.  
> Max is adorable.  
> Everyone does its best to comfort Alec.
> 
> Warning: this is sad but fluffy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 00:15 AM so it's Thursday and I should go to bed, but I'm not sure I will have the will to post the chapter tonight. Because studies.  
> So I do it now.  
> Enjoy !

Seeing Magnus in the infirmary bed made his heart ache even more. He sat on the chair near him and held the warlock’s hand. He had no more tears but his hands were still trembling a bit. He shivered as his fiancé’s, usually warms, hands were cold in his. He pressed the hand against his lips, closing his eyes. Were there any words to say? He didn’t know; he didn’t have the strength to talk anyway. When he opened his eyes again, he almost had the conviction that Magnus’ cat-eyes would look back at him, amused. But the warlock’s eyes were close. His make up was a mess and so was his hair. A ghost smile went on Alec’s lips thinking about the drama his fiancé would throw if he saw himself like that. Magnus spent so much time each morning to look dazzling… Alec always told him that even bare face he was perfect, but that only made him smile and answer that the shadowhunter, despite being adorable, was absolutely biased. Alec scoffed at the thought as he would do if it was happening right now and kissed Magnus palm. The door opened and he looked up.

 

“Do you need anything Alec?” Izzy asked softly.

“Your cleansing lotion… He will hate seeing his make up that smudge when he’ll wake up.”

“Yeah… Ok, I will bring that to you. Do you want to eat something? Clary’s cooking something… To think about something else…”

“No, thank you.”

“Are you sure, you need to-“

“I’ll be fine Izzy! I just need the cleansing lotion!” He yelled.

“Okay… I’ll be right back.”

 

***

 

Isabelle leant against the door few seconds before going to the bathroom were she kept her cleansing lotion. She also took some cotton.  She thought about Alec, there, alone with Magnus, probably praying for him to wake up and she suddenly felt like crying. She pursed her lips. She couldn’t cry; she had to be strong, for her big brother. She inhaled, exhaled and went back to Alec.

 

“Here.” She said softly again, handing him the lotion and the cotton.

“Thanks.”

 

She nodded and left. It was clear that he didn’t want anyone to be there, and it’s only then, when she knew he won’t have to see her, that she let her tears fall. She needed her own boyfriend, she needed to hug him. She joined the others in the kitchen and immediately went to cry in Simon’s arms. It could have been him. It could have been any of them.

 

***

 

Alec usually took Magnus’ make up off when the latter was stressed out, or having a really bad day, sometimes, after a fight too. It was always very intimate and tender. Alec loved being the one revealing Magnus’ natural face. But right now, it was just plainly painful. He wet the cotton and wiped off carefully the make up. First on the cheeks, taking off the golden glitters, then the eyes and Alec was even more careful; he wouldn’t want to hurt the warlock even more. His gestures were soft and loving. By the end, tears were running on his cheeks again. He startled when the door opened and wiped off his tears. At the entrance, Tessa was standing with Jem, looking at them sadly, Max in her arms. He stood up and walked fast to take his son in his arms, holding him tightly, humming the reassuring baby smell. He didn’t talk to his friends, he couldn’t, Catarina must have already told them everything anyway. He went back to his seat and sat Max on his knees. The little warlock leaned to Magnus, asking for a hug from him. Alec let his son crawling on his unconscious father, fighting back his tears; if Magnus disappeared from their life now, Max won’t remember his time with him.

 

“Papa is going to be okay Blueberry.” He said to the boy when the latter tried to get a reaction from his father. “He’s going to be okay…” He added taking Max back on his laps. “He has to be…” He whispered to himself.

“Alec… If we can do anything… _Anything_ , just give us a call.” Tessa said a hand on his shoulder.

 

He shook his head, then changed his mind and nodded.

 

“He is strong, he will do it, I’m sure.” Jem said softly.

 

Alec hugged his son again, furrowing his head on the crook of the baby’s neck. He knew Max couldn’t understand what was happening, but he needed it, he needed to hug his son this way: the most comforting one, the one that gave the feeling that everything will be okay.

 

***

 

And the days passed oh, so slowly. Alec still wasn’t talking to Jace. But it wasn’t like the blond one was seeking contact. Alec wasn’t leaving Magnus’ side and Jace couldn’t bear entering the room. Alec was right. Even if it wasn’t entirely his fault, he knew it, but he still held a part of culpability for what had happen. If he hadn’t ask the warlock to come…

 

“Jace, are you okay Sunshine?”

 

He shook his head and welcomed Clary’s embrace.

 

“I don’t know what to do… Alec is so much in pain I can feel it through our bond…”

“Go and see him, he needs you, you know…”

“He needs Magnus, not me… And because of _me_ -”

“Sunshine, it’s not your fault… You couldn’t foresee what happened to Magnus…”

 “If I hadn’t ask Magnus-“

“You did what you thought was the best.”

“But even you-“

“I disagreed, yes, that doesn’t mean I would blame you.”

“Alec won’t accept to see me…”

“Jace…You have to talk with him, he’s your parabatai.”

“Not for long…” He whispered hurt clear in voice.

 

Clary kissed is cheek before stepping away.

 

“You should try anyway.” She told him softly before leaving him in the training room.

 

Jace sighed. Maybe she was right… Maybe he should try and go to Alec’s side, to show him that even if the blue-eyed shadowhunter hated him, he will still be there, no matter what. Maybe he could try to ease, just a bit, his parabatai’s pain… He sighed again, with a small smile this time. His wife was definitely right. He got up and headed to the infirmary, meeting Izzy on the process. The young woman had their nephew in her arms. He was crying and she was soothing him, singing some song Maryse used to sing to them when they had nightmares. He smiled at the sight and she smiled back, without stopping her singing. He pointed the infirmary door, silently asking if Alec was alone, apart from Magnus, in the room. She nodded and he went to knock but didn’t wait for an answer to enter the room.

 

***

 

Alec wasn’t surprised to see Jace. To tell the truth, he had hope for his parabatai to come and see him. He hadn’t meant what he had said to him the night his fiancé had been hurt. He wouldn’t break their bond. He still held Jace partly responsible but he was guilty too. He wasn’t near enough to protect him when he should have been. He hadn’t been able to protect the man he loved the most. He should have staid close.  He inhaled deeply as Jace sat near him. He could tell that the blond shadowhunter didn’t know what to say but he wasn’t going to be the first talking.

 

“Magnus’ nail polish is starting to crack.” Jace eventually said after a moment.

 

Alec blinked and looked down at the hand he held.

 

“I know.” He paused. “But I don’t want to leave his side, and I don’t know which colour to put on him.”

“Maybe I could ask Iz for her nail polishes and polish remover and we choose together?”

 

Jace was hesitant in all his words but Alec appreciated the gesture. He nodded and soon enough, they were looking silently at the nail polishes in front of them. They thought a long time before choosing a dark purple.

 

***

 

Jace watched Alec removing the polish from Magnus’ nail ever so slowly, as if the warlock was made of thin paper. He would have smile and tease his parabatai if it wasn’t so sad. Love was breathing from every of Alec’s gestures. It was sad, painful and _beautiful_.

 

“Are you doing this often?” He asked instead.

“When he has a bad day, yeah…” Alec answered with a small smile. “He’s always relaxing faster when I take care of him.”

“I’m sorry…” He finally blurted out as if the words were burning his lips. “I’m so sorry Alec…”

 

Alec stopped mid-way. He just had finished to remove the polish from the warlock’s hands and had been looking for any traces left. He carefully put the hand he was looking at back on the bed and turned to Jace.

 

“You know I didn’t really mean it right…?” Pause. “I won’t rip off my parabatai rune.” He looked back at his fiancé. “It’s as much my fault… I should have protected him. I failed him…”

“No Alec…”

“Can you hold his hand? I don’t want to put any polish on his bed.”

 

Jace obliged. Alec clearly didn’t want to talk more about it and he wouldn’t force him. He took Magnus hand, they were cold and soft. Jace could understand why Alec loved to hold his fiancé’s hands that much now. Alec’s concentrated face when he was painting nails wasn’t much different that the one he had when he was shooting arrows in training. It was just more relaxed and tender, but his brows were still furrowed and his eyes a shade darker. When both of the hands were done, Alec looked more relax; taking care of Magnus wasn’t only good for the warlock, he noticed, it helped Alec too.

 

“I should take a shower.” Alec whispered after a moment. “Can you watch him the time I’m not here?”

 

Jace nodded and gave an encouraging smile at Alec who seemed to have a hard time leaving the room. Alec smiled back at him but it was a sad smile. He bended to kiss the warlock’s forehead and brush his cheek lightly, at the intimacy, Jace almost felt like he shouldn’t be there.

 

“I’ll be right back, Love.” Alec said to Magnus before slowly leaving the room, head down.

 

***

 

Removing his clothes seemed to be a challenge. As if the pain in his heart had spread, every move made his body ached. He looked at himself in the mirror and bite his lips. They had placed the immortality rune on his left pectoral. They had decided it because it was the closest to his heart, because it was his sacrifice for the one he loved, because it _was_ love. Magnus was fond this place and he liked retracing the rune again and again. He was always smiling while doing it. Alec retraced it slowly, but he almost dig his nails in it. He didn’t want an eternity without Magnus. He started trembling at the thought, and he couldn’t breathe easily anymore. He fell to his knees, trying desperately to breathe normally, tears coming again. He rocked back and forth, as he did every time he had a panic attack, until he found strength again. When he entered the shower, he was panting, but at least he could stand. He turned the water on and closed his eyes as it fell on him. But every drop seemed to weigh a ton. He held himself on the wall, still shaking, and inhaled deeply.

He didn’t know how long he stayed and every gest had taken him a lot of efforts. He put on the most comfy clothes he had left at the institute before moving to Magnus’ and went back to the infirmary. Jace was still there but didn’t notice him. He was speaking to the warlock and Alec couldn’t help but listen.

 

“-really _needs_ you. Please wake up Magnus, for _him_. I never saw him like this, it’s even worst than when you guys broke up… I’m sure he has loose weight already… He still takes good care of your son with our help but… It’s so hard for him, without you… He has stop trying to make Max talk… _There is no Alec without you, Magnus_ …”

 

And the tears were there again. He stumbled into the room and Jace startled before running to him, hugging him. Alec doubt they had hugged that much in so little time before. He held tight on his parabatai, murmuring a “Thank you for being here” to him.

 

***

 

One long month passed before Jace and Izzy saw Maryse and Roberts coming to see Alec. Izzy threw a worried glare at Jace and they both followed their parents. Clary and Simon, who were playing with Max, furrowed their brows but didn’t move; though they hesitated.

When they arrived in the room, Alec tensed and went in front of the bed, looking protective, almost _dangerous_. But to everyone’s surprise, the first Maryse did was embracing him. Alec looked shock but ended returning the hug.  When they parted, she cupped his cheeks. Her eyes were full of compassion.

 

“Alexan- Alec, I promise you, if he wakes up, I’ll make effort to accept your relationship with the warl- Magnus. I will try, and I will accept to meet my-my grandson.”

 

Alec tried a smile as he nodded, she hugged him again. She could have been relieved, but no one deserved to lose the one they loved. She may not accept her son’s choices but she still loved him, and she still hated to see him suffer, as a mother, it made her heart break to see him in such pain.

 

***

 

When his parents leaved, Alec took Max with him in the room, the others needed to train; they had a mission tonight. They had put a small baby park not far from the bed; he put him in here, giving his son his favourite toys and plush. He kissed him softly on the head before going back near his lover, taking his hand again. He kissed Magnus knuckle.

 

“Did you hear that Love? When you wake up, my parents will make efforts to accept you and Max. Isn’t it good news? How long have we been waiting for that? It’s a big step isn’t it?” He pushed his cheeks into Magnus’ palm, missing the touch then laughed bitterly. “Too bad we have to wait for you being stuck in this bed to reach it.” He closed his eyes. “I miss you…”

 

He missed everything about the warlock. His tan, caramel and warm skin which was so pale and so cold now, his laugh, _Angel_ , he missed his laugh so much, so bright, so musical, and his smile, beautiful, often malicious smile...And his eyes…Those amazing cat eyes, liquid gold and emeralds in it, shinning with love and happiness when they looked at each others, the way he talk to him, to Max, to the Chairman who was under Catarina’s care right now…His touch… The way he touched him, romantically, of so softly; sexually, oh so tender; healing him, oh so warm…The way he dressed, with no shame; the way he always had the sassiest answers but also the sweetest words; the way he handled situations; the way he was moving, doing his nails and make-up, the way he acted in society and the unique way he was when they were only the two of them…He missed Everything.

 

“Please… Come back to me… Take my strength if you must but please, _please_ come back… Open your eyes for me… I will do more desk job, less patrolling, less missions, I _swear_ but please, don’t let me in eternity without you… I _beg_ you Magnus… _Come back_ …”

 

He waited, for any signs, any signs from Magnus, any moves. But nothing happened, only a small cry from Max. He put the hand back on the hand softly and went to his son. He lifted him and hugged him.

 

“Papa is going to be okay, right Blueberry? He won’t let us I’m sure…”

“Papa?” Max babbled back.

 

Alec froze then tried to not burst into tears. Max first word. Magnus was going to be so mad he missed it but so happy and proud Max said “papa” and not “daddy”. The shadowhunter buried his head in Max’s neck kissing it, and then kissed his cheeks, smiling truly for the first time in a month.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is losing hope, will Magnus ever wake up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!!!  
> I hope you all loved this multi-chaptered part of the series ;)

Another month had passed and everyone was watching, powerless, Alec losing hope. They heard him beg day and night. They heard him tell Magnus all of Max’s improvement, hurrying him to wake up so he can watch it, so he can hear Max calling him “Papa”. They watched him changing the warlock’s nails colour every week, giving him hair and skin care. The watched him cry over his fiancé. And now…Now he was still giving him all these cares but he almost wasn’t talking anymore, not to Magnus, not to Max, not to them, not to anyone. The small light that had stayed in his eyes the month before was gone. He was just looking at Magnus unconscious face and body, but it was as if wasn’t looking at anything. And they couldn’t comfort him. None of their words would ease the pain. Nothing could make things better, except a miracle.

 

***

 

It took long for Alec to accept that Magnus might not wake up, no matter how much the shadowhunter needed him. Magnus was fighting for his life and it was without a doubt hard for the unconscious warlock. And Alec had came to accept that even if he needed Magnus to live, to _really_ live, Max needed as least one of his parents to be there for him and if it shall be him then it will. What choice did he have left? He closed his eyes painfully and took his lover hand. He kissed his fingers, knuckles and his palms then held it tight, fighting back his sobs.

 

“Magnus… My love… It’s… It’s okay, if it’s too hard… If it’s too painful…It’s okay if you want to go… I can’t say I’ll be alright, because that would be a lie but…But I won’t be mad if you give up… I won’t be angry and I won’t blame you… Magnus… _I love you_ … I love you so, _so_ much, more than anything or _anyone_ …And I know you do to, for me…But it’s okay… It’s okay Love… I’ll stay if you don’t, I’ll be there for our son and I’ll make sure he never forget who you were and how much you loved him too… I love you…” He said bursting into tears. “You can go… I’m sorry I held you for so long if it is so hard…I love you…I love you…”

 

***

 

All the sounds around him were an indistinct blur and every part of his body ached. Everything ached so much and he couldn’t move. He could feel his magic but it was very weak. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t. Maybe… Maybe one finger at the time would do. He focused but not for long, he recognised one of the sounds around him. He had rarely heard it, but he still recognised it because it was the most heartbreaking sound he had ever heard; Alec’s cry. Alec was crying and he couldn’t comfort him. He needed to do so. He tried to force himself to speak, but only a whimper went from his mouth. And the cry stopped.

 

***

 

When he heard Alec screaming his name, Jace jumped to his feet, he burst into the room, fearing something bad had happen. Alec was standing, his whole body shaking. On the bed, Magnus was _whimpering_ , his face contracted in pain. Alec was a mixture of worry and relief. As if he didn’t know if Magnus was waking up or if his state was worsening.

 

“Jace,” Alec said with a weak but pressed voice. “Call Catarina.”

 

The blond shadowhunter left the room, calling Izzy. She hurried next to him, Max in her arms.

 

“I think Magnus is waking up. I have to call Catarina, Alec is going to freak out, go to him, I’ll take Max.”

 

Isabelle nodded, gave him Max and hurried toward the room.

 

***

 

He had almost missed it, the _whimper_ , his head had jolted up and he had seen it, the first expressions in Magnus’ face, since more than two months. And it was _pain_. He couldn’t think clearly. Was Magnus waking up? Why was he in pain? He had his hands over his lover, not knowing what to do. He had called Jace and the latter had call Catarina. She was there as soon as he thought that she would come soon.

 

“Out of the room, yes even you Alec.” She said with a soft but authoritarian ton.

 

Though Izzy and Clary had to force him out of the room, he ended up on a chair, is son on his arms, waiting for Catarina’s verdict.

It lasted half an hour before the door opened again. He stood up immediately. She walked to him and brushed Max’s cheek before smiling up at Alec.

 

“He is waking up. He is too weak for the moment but I believe he’ll be conscious again soon, give it a day or two.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “We have it, our miracle.”

 

Joy filled him, warm and sweet, and he held his son above him, grinning.

 

“Did you hear that Blueberry? Papa’s waking up.”

 

The baby screamed happily, more because he loved being held up like that that because he understood what was happening but it still made Alec’s smile wider. It was like something heavy and poisonous had been taken off his heart. It was his world’s sun was starting to, shyly but surely, shining again. It was like breathing again after drowning. It was _wonderful_.

 

***

 

His lids were heavy but he still finally managed to open his eyes. The white ceiling of the Institute’s infirmary hurt his eyes and he had to close them again for a while. His throat was burning but there was a weight on the bed that didn’t belong to him and he moved his hand to know what or who it was. He felt soft hair under his palms. Alec. He couldn’t help a smile, forgetting his burning throat, as he started caressing it. When Alec suddenly jolted up; opened his eyes again.

 

“Hey, Sweetheart.” He said his voice hoarse.

“Hey, Handsome.” Alec answered with a shaky voice, handing him water, the shadowhunter had tears in his eyes.

 

He gulped the water hastily and coughed a bit. He was feeling Alec’s eyes on him. He handed back the glass and Alec put him next to them. He was looking at him as if he couldn’t even believe it. That made the warlock frowned. He barely remembered what had happened and gasped as the puzzle was taking form in his mind. The Circle member, the seraph blade, the unusual pain… Alec’s horrified eyes… How long had he been out? He was about to ask when Alec suddenly hugged him, tightly, as if his own life depended on it.

 

“You are awake… You are awake…” The shadowhunter repeated over and over.

“ _Alexander_ …” He murmured hugging him back.

 

He couldn’t have been unconscious that long could he? Alec broke the embrace and cupped his cheeks, caressing them with his thumbs.

 

“God Magnus, your eyes are so _beautiful_ … _You_ are so beautiful… _I love you_...”

 

And now he was kissing him. Alec was kissing his face. His cheeks, his eyes, his nose, his lips… He could barely recognise his fiancé: he was literally showering him with kisses. What had happened to make Alec acts like that? He pushed him gently, wanting to ask him but Alec was on him again, burying his head on the crook of his neck. Alec was a mess and when Magnus felt tears dropping on his neck, he hugged his fiancé again, a hand on his hair, stroking it, the other on the back, slowly drawing sweet and comforting circles.

 

***

 

Alec wouldn’t move. He wouldn’t let go. Magnus was awake; he was touching him, talking to him… He was _back_.

 

“Two months and half.” He answered at the non-spoken question. “Two months and half… I was so scared…”

 

Magnus didn’t answer but froze an instant before continuing his caresses and it felt so good. He broke the embrace and took again the face of the warlock on his hands. Magnus was the most beautiful man on earth even with this worried look. He kissed him again. By the Angel he how much he had missed those lips! Those lips, moving against his so perfectly, were getting redder as they kissed, again and again.

He suddenly heard a gasp, followed by the noise of breaking glass. He broke from the embrace and looked behind him. Isabelle was there, hands on her mouth.

 

“You’re awake!” She shrieked then proceeded to call the others.

 

***

 

Everyone had hugged him, even Jace. In not even an hour, he learnt all what he missed, almost. They told him about Max first word and he even got the chance to hear them when he hugged him. But even though he was happy to see everyone, he was growing tired and he was feeling sticky. He wanted to take a bath, he wanted to sleep and he wanted to be alone with Alec. Fortunately, they leaved soon enough, under his fiancé orders. The shadowhunter had noticed how tired he looked and Magnus was glad.

 

“You are okay Love?” He asked brushing his cheek.

“I’m tired and I want to take a bath.” Magnus answered with a small smile.

“Can you walk?”

“I’m not sure, but I’m not as weak as if I was a mundane waking up from a coma.”

 

Alec held him then, and led him to bathroom.

 

“ _Alexander_ , if I someone had told me that one day you would hold me like a princess one day-“

“Don’t. Don’t make any jokes.”

“I was going to say that I wouldn’t have believed it…Sorry…”

“It’s quite okay…” Alec murmured

“It wont happen again.”

 

Alec pursed his lips as they reached the bathroom he sat Magnus on the closed toilets and turned the water on for the bath. He was silent and tensed.

 

“I think we should take that bath together, Alec.”

 

Alec flashed him a quick smile and put some of Izzy’s bubble bath in the water.

 

***

 

Alec was, slowly washing Magnus’ back and was even softer when he touched the place where there was now a scar. There was a sweet silence between them, as if none of them dared to break it, afraid that it might break them too. When he was done, he rinsed the back before letting his head drop on it.

 

“I was going to let you go.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “I didn’t want to but I couldn’t you to be in pain anymore.”

“My Alec… I put you in such a horrible situation…I’m so sorry…”

“Why didn’t you make that portal sooner Magnus… Why…?”

“Would you have?”

 

Alec was taken aback. He hadn’t expected this answer. Of course he wouldn’t have! He would have stayed as much as possible to protect Magnus! _Oh_. Now, he understood. Magnus turned in the bath to face him and held his hands to him; Alec took them and the warlock intertwined their fingers. After all this time, it felt almost surreal.

 

“ _Alexander_ …”

“Don’t ever do that again… Please, do never do that to me, I can’t spend the eternity without you, I just _can’t_. And I’ll do more desk job. Less missions, less patrols, you won’t have to worry as much as before I promise.” He was talking fast, almost hysteric, yet, his tone was low and unsure.

 “Alec-“

“I promised.”

“Wha-“

“You didn’t hear it but I _promised_.”

 

Magnus smiled softly to him, giving up on arguing and leaned to hug him, making some water splash out the bath.

 

“Thank you… I love you, _Alexander_ , never forget that.”

“Say it again… _my name_ …”

“ _Alexander._ ”

“God, I missed _it_. I missed _you_.”

 

***

 

Alec had also washed his hair and Magnus had thanked him for the nail polish. The shadowhunter was now relaxed though his eyes were still sad. They went to Alec’s old bedroom after saying the others they were going to rest, Magnus leaning a lot on Alec, his legs still not working properly. They slipped into the bed and Alec embraced him immediately. Forehead against forehead they were looking into each others eyes.

 

“You look so tired, _Alexander_.”

“I couldn’t really sleep without you.”

“I’m here now, so sleep, my beautiful Nephilim.”

 

Tears went into Alec huge blue eyes and Magnus was afraid that he had said something wrong.

 

“I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to sleep and to wake up realising that you are still in the coma and I was only dreaming…”

 

The confidence made Magnus’ heart break. He wiped off the tears and kissed him.

 

“It’s not a dream. I’m here. I’m alive, I’m fine.” He murmured against his lips. “And I love you.”

“I love you too, Magnus.”

 

Magnus smiled and closed his eyes. And so did Alec. The lovers fell asleep, lulled by the other’s calm breath. They were together and well again, everything will be okay now, they could be happy again.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos (and comments) are welcomed <3


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